A couple acquainted to me is engaged to be married in few months time but the lady seems unsure of certain happenings in the relationship and needs assurance that she is taking the right step. Even though I have shared my views with her I realized that more highlights needs to be thrown in this line of discourse especially with the frequent fighting, stabbing and eventual murder issues that is evident in marriages today.
My case study, Mr. Alabi is billed to marry Miss Bunmi not real names, but here is the problem, Mr. Alabi has dished out the following rules for Miss Bunmi to obey if their marriage has to hold and Miss. Bunmi feeling uncomfortable with the rules wishes to seek the opinion of others before embarking on this journey called marriage. And these are the rules
- Rule No 1 – she should not be found in the company of a man or seen to be making conversation with any man, be it colleagues, church members, neighbors, clients, acquaintances etc except relations that are known to him and no man is allowed to visit or call her on the phone failure to do this means termination of the relationship.
- Rule No.2 – She should be at home utmost by 6pm everyday (not considering traffic) because a woman should be home on time to prepare meals for the family meaning that she cannot work late hours in her office and being in the finance sector this is so impossible and so if her office poses a problem to this effect she should resign before marriage
- Rule No.3 – She should not speak in the presence of his friends anytime they are around or in an outing unless he has given her explicit permission to do so.
- Rule No. 4 – Her salary should be given to him at the end of every month since he is the head of the family as he will be the one to decide how much she gets every month for her upkeeps and how much that might go to her family.
- Rule No. 5 – She should submit her statement of account from the bank every month to him to make sure she is rendering the actual amount paid to her.
And a host of other rules that am not compelled to share here but because these ones are so ludicrous and laughable I had to mention them. Now my question is, is Miss Bunmi entering a new form of slavery in the name of marriage, it is obvious that Mr. Alabi is angry, has a lot of emotional baggage, insecure, clingy and manipulative. To sum it up he is overtly jealous and controlling which makes the relationship toxic and a time bomb waiting to happen. Clearly the relationship has trust/insecurity issues which are the reasons why you see couples stabbing and killing themselves so easily these days.
My submission is that this relationship should never happen or get to the stage of marriage. Bunmi should take a walk before it is too late and avoid imprisoning herself in a toxic marriage otherwise she will leave all her marital life depressed and unfulfilled and Mr Alabi should work on his emotional baggage and insecurities before considering a relationship. Being jealous once in a while is normal in a relationship but being overtly jealous and suspicious should be a thing of worry and concern. If you don’t trust Bunmi don’t marry her, if she makes you insecure walk away or deal with the issue before entering the institution of marriage.
This issue is not gender based at all just because my case study is a man does not mean that it is gender bound. In recent times we have more cases of women who are obsessed, clingy, manipulative, emotionally and psychologically debased, and angry with a lot of emotional baggage they all come in different gender but their traits are that they are suspicious and overtly jealous and can go to any length. Do they see this as abnormal hell NO, in fact they feel they are protecting what is theirs in the name of love. Please let’s all examine ourselves thoroughly whether we fall into this category. Love is not supposed to be exhausting. it should breed calmness and peace. What is your take on this?
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