confession Counselling Family Lifestyle Love Relationships

HOW I LOST MY SPOUSE

Depressed
Written by uri1

Sure I can but it so hard to bear, my heart breaks and I can’t explain it cause I lost my spouse

Hey guy!  What’s up, you look so gloomy, have some fun and live a little. Whatever the problem is you know you can share with me, talk to me said Jake. Sure I can but it so hard to bear, my heart breaks and I can’t explain it cause I lost my spouse Rayne answered. What!!! When was that, what happened I mean how did it happen was she sick, was it an accident. What really happened? So sorry man that’s a hard one. Yeah it is, continued Rayne I can remember her vividly now, those smiles, those laughter and how she twirls round the house feeling the house with an air of joy and happiness.  How we laugh and throw pillows at each other and run around the house like teenagers in love.

How in-depth she will listen to my stories of how they day went and how she will hug and make everything feel right even when they are not right. How we eat together and drag pieces of meat in the bowl just for the fun of it and how she will tell me about those her escapades both real and unreal.  How she makes every day seem like magic with the joy she radiates. How we wrap around each other in our own world and watch those soaps in the evening. How we hold hands and thank the Lord for the day and hold each other tight while we say good night and drift to sleep

How we plan the day every morning while she prepares breakfast and encourage each other after the morning prayers, how I can’t wait to be home and see her lovely face and smile.  How I watch those lovely eyes say you have the whole portion of my heart and my heart will die if you stop watching it. But like Julie London’s “Gone with the wind “you are no longer here. My heart quiver for you how do I make you come back.

So sorry guy, when will she be buried Jake asked, who Rayne retorted, your spouse Jake replied.  God forbid she is not dead I said I lost her, she is very much alive and healthy but I lost her I can’t reach her heart anymore those warmness are gone, all I see now is emptiness and loneliness. Those smiles are faded, those commitment are gone my house does not look like mine anymore. Oh I get it, you have issues in your marriage, don’t worry it will pass Jake said.  No Bro, I doubt if this will pass I got a letter from her lawyers she wants to be far away from me she is separating until the divorce is through answered Rayne. Mind if I ask Jake continued, do you think there is another guy, No Rayne answered.

Where you caught up in infidelity? Where you unfaithful to her, Yes Jake I was, I messed up Rayne said. But you can strive to make things right.  How long has this been going on if you don’t mind, for the past 5 years Rayne replied, Wow that’s sometime and why did you wrap yourself up in such a mess for a long time with another lady said Jake. That’s the point it is not a lady Rayne replied, Holy Moses You’re gay  or bi-sexual whatever the call them these days Jake asked, No Rayne laughed,  am neither of those. Then what is it, is it spiritual. No my guy, my smart phone and the other modern gadgets are they culprit Rayne answered now am officially confused how can that be said Jake.

Rayne busted out gloomily, My guy I sleep and wake up with my phone I am glued to my phone as soon as I step into the house, I am glued to it as I eat, I am glued to eat no matter the form of communication going on, I am glued to it even when those our favorite soaps are on, I am glued to it on bed till I fall asleep and I take it up as soon as I wake.  I lost track of time I never knew how lonely it made my wife, I never knew I made her compete for my attention with my phone an ordinary gadget and so day and night passed I never knew those her smiles left, her eyes longs for contact with my eyes but mine was glued to the phone.  She waited to be hugged, for her hands to be held but I was busy holding my phone.  She spoke to me I heard her but I never listened.  She wanted to communicate but I communicated on the phone with strangers I don’t know. She waited for five years for me to get tired and see her once more but I didn’t notice.  She became lonely, withdrawn and depressed and I never noticed.  She felt she was not good enough for me anymore, so gradually she slipped away until she felt emptiness.  She said she lacked the strength to fight, if only she knew that that there was no one to fight but an inanimate object so she decided to leave.

I didn’t even notice she has left me until I saw the note on top of my chargers.  She said she is exhausted she has waited patiently for five years for me to return, to feel those gloomy eyes of hers to hear how silent the house has become but I never noticed till yesterday when my phone fell and stopped working and I noticed there was no one to talk to because she was nowhere to be found.  When I called her she told me where to find the papers from her lawyers and I realized how silent and lonely the house was. I remembered that my heart stop beating for her for such a long time.  As my heart thundered I knew what unsatisfied longing was. How do I get her to where we use to be, what I will give to have her again. I don’t mind being tugged into a jungle where there are no modern gadgets if only I can be with my Lola again. 

Help me Jake am a lost soul.

Thanks for reading please kindly advice Jack.

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uri1

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