Thanks to everyone who read and commented to my earlier POST on “Before you say yes to slavery” I got so many calls and my case studies are working on themselves and I hope to write a follow up on them for now they are a work in progress. Now the feedback made me want to write more on personal experiences that people sent to me. I would like to reemphasize that marriage is not the summary of your life but it plays a big part on how you will live your life here on earth so take your time before you say I do.
My second case study is Kate a young lady in her middle thirties, who works with a multi-national company. She is financially independent, comfortable and has a good prospect in her company. She comes from a good and humble family with lots of integrity that has good family values. She has been through so many heartbreaks in her past relationships and is eager to settle down as a wife and a mother. They are currently working on a date for their traditional marriage ceremony as the traditional rites has been completed. But here is the twist, Kate is worried about certain of Georges behavioral patterns which does not conform with her value system like the fact that;
- George is not open about a lot of things.
- Rumors has it that George has some relationship ties that are yet to be severed and friends are telling her that she should ignore that after all “if another person own no spoil another person own no go better”. She sees pictures of women lying here and there with no explanations.
- He disappears for days and would not say where he has been.
- His phone conversations are coded and snappy whenever she is around.
- He loves night outs a lot and wants them to go clubbing every other day even during work days.
- She has constantly ran into him with girls, matured women who he does not have a clear explanation of who they are and would refuse to talk about them.
- She cannot hold down a decent communication with him for more than ten minutes.
- He does not want to talk about his finances or future plans.
- He hardly introduces her to friends or acquaintances
- He is unattached to his family.
- He is neither romantic nor emotional and he makes no effort to be. Since they began to date he has not really gone out of his way to buy her gifts or given her any romantic treat not that she is complaining since she is comfortable but as woman she yearns for it. She has confronted him severally but he told her that he is not wired or cut out for all those emotional stuff.
But in Kate’s exact words, he is good looking and great in bed and she loves him dearly but she wants to know if the sex and the love she has for him is enough to sustain the marriage. My people my answer is a resounding NO NO, it is not enough to hold the marriage. The telltale and tick tock signs are there, which will begin to devour the relationship like a monster, when the wedding celebration is over. Is Kate in love with him? I think she is just attracted to his good looks and his bedmatics prowess which does not sound like love to me?
My reasons are these; If Kate has noticed all these faults when she is not married to him how can she cope with him when they are finally married. Kate should be more worried about these concerns than getting married. Ever heard of “love me love my dogs” that is the kind of love that exists in marriage. George is not going to change, except by divine intervention which is rare; if he wanted to change he would have done so even before she came along or before proposing to her. Kate has already seen who George is before marriage and she is not in love with that George that she has described above remember that when people shows you who they are just believe them do not try to doubt them, so why does she want to frustrate her life and health in future trapped in such a depressing relationship.
In summary, George is insensitive, a Clubber and a womanizer or he might even be into crime who knows, clearly, side chicks are inevitable. Because of the above life style, no amount of money is enough for him so Kate should be ready to carry the family responsibilities on her head alone. She should not complain when the time comes because he will move out when her nagging becomes unbearable for him. A time will come when she will hate him so much that she will not even notice that he is good looking and he certainly would not have time for sex with her because he will be getting a full doze outside. He cannot introduce her to his friends and acquaintances because she is not his kind of woman so, he is not proud of her but he knows she has a lot of values for family life and by making her his wife she will be able to be both the husband and wife, shield all the family responsibilities and the day she becomes unable to do this he moves on to the next woman who is ready and guess what there will be plenty of back up women.
Here is my advice George is still a boy and not a man, so leave him to sort out his inner demons. He is a man physically but a boy inside of him. He is not ready for marriage and the responsibilities that come with it and no one knows when he will be ready. Not all grown men are men some of them are still boys inside because, they stopped growing a long time ago maybe because of some past experiences and emotional garbage they carry about.
Secondly the thing about sex is that it deters you from having good judgment in a relationship and most women think with their hearts and not their head when it comes to sex unlike men, perhaps that is why the bible advises to flee from it till marriage. So if Kate can take a decisive decision, let her separate her relationship from her sexual life then and then only will she make the right decisions. Summarily, Kate should give George some distance and stop being intimate with him so that her head will be in a good place to make the right decision. Let the marriage take a hold for now better late than wasted.
What is your take on this?
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